Tag Archives: self esteem

Tips to Boost Self Esteem

Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. Feelings of low self-esteem may be triggered by being treated poorly by someone else recently or in the past, or by a person’s own judgments of him or herself. This is normal. However, low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people, especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. If you are one of these people, you may go through life feeling bad about yourself needlessly. Low self-esteem keeps you from enjoying life, doing the things you want to do, and working toward personal goals. Following are Things You Can Do Right Away—Every Day—to Raise  Your Self-esteem

  • Pay attention to your own needs and wants. Listen to what your body, your mind, and your heart are telling you.
  • Take very good care of yourself. Begin today to take good care of yourself. Treat yourself as a wonderful parent would treat a small child or as one very best friend might treat another. Eat healthy foods and avoid junk foods (foods containing a lot of sugar, salt, or fat). Exercise. Moving your body helps you to feel better and improves your self-esteem.
  • Take time to do things you enjoy. You may be so busy, or feel so badly about yourself, that you spend little or no time doing things you enjoy–things like playing a musical  instrument, doing a craft project, flying a kite, or going fishing. Make a list of things you  enjoy doing. Then do something from that list every day. Add to the list anything new  that you discover you enjoy doing.
  • Get something done that you have been putting off. Clean out that drawer. Wash your car/ bike. Write that letter. Pay that bill.
  • Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities. For instance, if you are good with your hands, then make things for yourself, family, and friends.
  • Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
  • Give yourself rewards
  • Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself—people who treat you well. Avoid people who treat you badly.
  • Display items that you find attractive or that remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life. 
  • Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills. Take a class or go to a seminar.
  • Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself— like going on a diet, beginning an exercise program or keeping your living space clean.
  • Do something nice for another person. Smile at someone who looks sad. Say a few kind words to the check-out cashier. Take a meal to a friend who is sick. Send a card to an acquaintance. Volunteer for a worthy  organization.

You may be doing some of these things now. There will be others you need to work on. You will find that you will continue to learn new and better ways to take care of yourself. As you incorporate these changes into your life, your self-esteem will continue to improve.


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Low Self Confidence

Before I begin with signs of low self-confidence and ways to improve them, I’d like to explain you’re the difference between Self-esteem and Self-confidence.

Although self-esteem and (self-) confidence are often used interchangeable, there is a crucial difference between both of them.

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. I may have healthy self-esteem, but low confidence about situations involving my ability to do a work.

When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your self-confidence. Self-confidence might be said to stand on the shoulders of self-esteem. Without a healthy self-esteem, self-confidence has feet of clay. It might be temporarily ‘boosted’, but it cannot be sustained without genuine self-esteem. On the other hand, a healthy self-esteem nurtures self-confidence.

Signs of Low Self Confidence

A lack of self-confidence can be emotionally, physically and psychologically debilitating. The following are some signs that show that you may be lacking self-confidence.

  • Want to & Need to explain

The need to explain actions is one of the signs of a lack of self-confidence. Mistakes happen to everyone, but those who have self-confidence issues may feel that they have to give reasons. Suppose someone was having lunch with a group of people whom he doesn’t know very well and then he accidentally dropped his glass of coke on the floor. What will he do? Well, some people will immediately start to give reasons to explain what just happened by using comments like “oh, the glass was just at the edge of the table” or “oh, I am so tired today, that’s why I wasn’t concentrating”. Confident people don’t give reasons for their actions; if you dropped the glass or made a mistake then it doesn’t change who you are. It’s your right to make mistakes because you are human and you don’t have to find excuses for doing them.

  • Blaming Others

When people chronically complain and blame others, they may be suffering from a lack of self-confidence. This takes the responsibility off the person who does the complaining and puts it on those they are complaining about. The complainer with low self-esteem becomes the victim.

  • Response immediately to criticism

When criticized, the person who lacks self-confidence may immediately make excuses. More confident people will listen to the criticism and decide later whether or not it is constructive. The need to make excuses shows the person’s desire to keep people from thinking he is worthless. I am sure that you have experienced a situation where upon saying a small critical comment to one of your friends he replied back immediately and aggressively. For example, if you told your friend something like “your performance wasn’t that good today” and he replied saying, “no no no, its just because I was tired” or “no I was just thinking of something else while working and that’s what why I was distracted”. This shows that he lacks self-confidence. Confident people listen to criticism and see whether it’s constructive or not. If it was constructive they accept it, if not, it doesn’t bother them much. If you saw a body building champion and told him “hey, you look pretty weak”, what will he do? He will just smile and move away because he knows that he’s a champion.

  • Body Language is defensiveness

When a person has defensive body language, such as crossing the arms or legs, she may be exhibiting a lack of self-confidence by shutting others out. People who lack self-confidence always take the defensive position (arms folded and may be accompanied by crossing their legs). The gesture of closing off shows anxiety and discomfort in the environment.

  • Want to be accepted

People who lack self-confidence often need the approval of others to feel validated, according to Selfesteemawareness.com. If others accept the person who lacks confidence, then she must be okay. Not getting that approval or receiving criticism is frustrating and drives the level of self-confidence even lower. To change this, the person suffering from confidence problems needs to realize that not everyone will approve of her actions or be pleased with her decisions.

  • Compensating

A friend of mine looked really upset one day and when I told him that he replied saying ”I never get upset and I never have problems”. What happened here? Is my friend a superman who is always happy?

Of course not, he is just compensating for his lack of self-confidence. Every one compensates in his own way. One person may become arrogant, another one may reply using the ‘never’ word just like in the previous example while others turn into perfectionists.

  • Don’t relish Success

Some people’s self-esteem is so low they drive themselves to overachievement then fail to see that their ability was what brought success. They may consider themselves lucky rather than competent. They lack confidence in their own judgment, and they expect disapproval.

  • Scare to change anything about surroundings or themselves

A lack of self-confidence can also motivate people to stay in unsatisfying situations. They may stay in a bad relationship or job that isn’t right for them because of a fear of change. The lack of confidence to make good decisions for change keeps them in negative environments.

  • Pessimism besets them

When someone suffers from low self-esteem, he may become pessimistic and critical of all situations. He takes his negative feelings out on family, friends and coworkers, and lacks the ability to be optimistic.

  • Daunted by future

Many sufferers from low self-confidence worries about the future and what might happen. They lack the ability to enjoy the present because they’re so worried about the bad things that might happen.

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July 15, 2012 · 5:00 am

Self Esteem & Confidence

Self esteem increases your confidence. If you have confidence you will respect yourself and then you can respect others, improve your relationships and become happier….this is not a selfish goal as you will contribute more and share yourself with the world and those around you.

Confidence matters in :

  • relationships
  • work
  • parenting
  • life skills – decision making, achieving, improving situations or circumstances you don’t like
  • expressing yourself
  • taking up new challenges
  • being open to change
  • self improvement

It comes from several sources:

  • from within yourself
  • from others
  • from your achievements

Here, are some ways you can build your confidence and indirectly your self esteem.

  1. Face your fears challenges seem scary but your fears are usually exaggerated. Facing your fears increases your confidence and boosts your esteem.
  2. Forget your failures – learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again but don’t limit yourself by assuming you failed before so you can’t succeed this time. Try again, you’re wiser and stronger.  Don’t be trapped in the past!
  3. Work on your self confidence
  4. Know what you want and ask for it. Learn to be assertive – you deserve your dreams to come true!
  5. Reward yourself when you succeed. No-one else will! Isn’t everything easier when you take time to help yourself? Make a list of your successes and focus on the positive.
  6. Talk – We often make assumptions about a situation or person which are not true. Your attitude and behaviour can be negatively affected so if you have any doubt or question ask and don’t assume you know why or how.
  7. Don’t be defeated! Try something else. You are not going to be defeated by one failed attempt are you? Doesn’t everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach.
  8. Don’t fall into depression.


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